Family can be difficult. Maybe you’ve got overbearing parents or under/overachieving siblings. Most people have at least one aunt or uncle battling addiction of some sort, or problems with money. Maybe grandparents whom you love, but whose views about certain issues such as race and sexuality can be a sore spot of conversation in our somewhat more progressed time. The bottom line is that most people have family that they love, but don’t necessarily see eye-to-eye on many different issues. Unfortunately, sometimes those issues and differences get the better of us and the relationship becomes toxic and unmanageable. But what if that unmanageability is simply our inability to accept that we can have a relationship without an all-or-nothing clause?
I ask this question because in the crisis that we as a global community have been facing, we have had to make multiple adjustments to the way we conduct our lives as Jews. Due to the imposed regulations of social distancing and the banning of gatherings, religious or otherwise, school has been canceled and our children have been home with us. Many of us have not been able to participate in our daily minyans or recite Kaddish as required, meaning our loved ones whom we’ve lost were buried alone. We’ve been home, following the law, awaiting the moment that we can return to our places of worship and thank the Almighty that we survived the calamity. Others have not.
Throughout this ordeal we have time and again been shown pictures and videos showing Ultra Orthodox communities (U.O.C’s) disregarding the restrictions of social distance and gathering, seemingly doing whatever they want to do. This past week in the city of New York Mayor Bill de Blasio tweeted what many considered a harsh criticism of Jews who were ignoring lock down instructions to attend a funeral of a prominent Rabbi, which enraged many people, both Jewish and not. Although the tweet received harsh criticism in light of singling out Jews while members of other faiths were also just a guilty, it also mirrored activity in Israel, where during the peak of the Coronavirus outbreak it became known that the predominantly Ultra Orthodox cities of Bnei Brak, Modiin Illit and Ramat Beit Shemesh were hot beds for infection and were in turn, completely quarantined. The accusations of living in filth and poverty ran free and far, with the blame being placed on pure stupidity and ignorance.
What we may not realize is that there are many factors that created this situation, some of which we might understand with explanation and others that simply bear no logic. One of the biggest is the digital disconnect that Ultra Orthodox communities live in. In our uber-connected digital age, real-time updates and breaking information from major news outlets from around the world are available at any time. We have the ability to stay up to date by the minute. Within the UOC this is not possible as many Rabbis greatly restrict their communities use of the internet for fear of outside influence or sway. Although the discussion surrounding the pros and cons of digital restriction is endless, the point of this article is not to pass judgement but to understand why it happened. The factor of trust should also be examined. The trust of the U.O.C in their Rabbinical leadership is critical to the community. We’re taught in Pirkei Avot that we are to choose a teacher from ourselves, someone that is more knowledgeable than ourselves and guide us in our religious practice. We trust our leaders to help us make responsible decisions on Judaic matters that we can’t make ourselves. There’s also a mistrust of the surrounding communities and government. To be ostracized and castigated for following your religion, the religion of most of the people surrounding you, can create deep resentment and mistrust. To then have that same outside community tell you that you have to stop your education, stop your daily prayer, the things that are the pinnacle of your religious practice, because of a virus, is a hard pill to swallow. Combine that with some Rabbi’s openly encouraging others to disregard lockdown procedures, as the study and keeping of Torah is highest above all, and it’s a recipe for disaster.
The subject of this article is much deeper than what we can go into right now, and if at times it sounded sarcastic, it was completely unintentional. My opening of family relationships was used to remind us that although we may not agree on the way we practice, we are of the same house and practice the same faith. We need to try and better understand each other and our differences in practice. We need not agree on how to practice, but do need to agree that we are of the same practice, the same family, the same house.
To quote Abraham Lincoln “A house divided cannot stand”.
