People in America view Blackness as a threat, regardless of any of our other features. It has been built into the fabric of our collective consciousness through socialization, even for those of us who have been involved in racial justice work. Because of this perceived threat, “antagonistic defensiveness” (aka non-Black people actually going on the offensive in interactions with us because they’re scared we already are just because we have melanated skin) informs way too may of our interactions.
We face microaggressions all the time. We are fighting literally for our lives right now. There are places where mask requirements are being “relaxed” for us because we weren’t being let in stores because store owners and employees were scared to let us in with masks covering our faces. We are finally in a place where our public anger is, at least a little bit, being actually heard for what it is and not just dismissed as the trope of Angry Black Woman or Angry Black Man.
Being vocally angry and incensed about things all the time is EXHAUSTING. It is also not the “single story” most people want to be telling about who they are and what their day to day concerns are. I do work for racial justice. My profession is facilitating learning in racial dialogue.
Sometimes I want to post pictures of myself and my kid building a kite and flying it. And most of the time, if I’m going to be regularly posting about a concern, I don’t want to dilute the message and become ignored because I’m just “that person who is angry about all of it and so easily offended and is a perpetual victim”… because I’m not that.
And when it comes to anti-Semitism, real or imagined or contrived or ignorance-that-uses-anti-Semitic-tropes-because-they-don’t-know-better, or whatever, I am NOT an ally. I am a Jew. I am a person whose family members ARE the textbook Holocaust stories, especially those outside of the camps. I know, viscerally, and genetically, and personally, what that generational trauma has caused. And since most people are not specifically asking why Jews of Color have been more silent, I’ve seen some understanding there.
That being said, on behalf of non-Jewish Black allies of the Jewish people, let me just inform those of you who wonder… we’re ALL tired. We’re ALL fighting for our lives. Stupid or ignorant statements that do not reflect what most Black people think being publicized in the media is definitely something to speak up about… when we’re not already drowning.
We are not going to focus on being outraged about the inefficacy of this year’s sunscreen batch because you are now more at risk for skin cancer, even if our grandfather survived carcinogenic melanoma, while we’re watching other people we are allied with (or a part of) drowning in both the deep and shallow end. And maybe we’re not lifeguards so we can’t do anything about the drowning and we could have the time and voice to tell you to put on physical sunscreen, or even bring you aloe while your burnt self can’t move, but we’re traumatized by SEEING THE DROWNING and not being able to do anything about it, and need to just ignore it all. (Those are the people who you usually see speaking up who you don’t see saying anything about any of it, or very sparingly,so you’re thinking that it’s not like they’d be diluting their message why can’t they just reach out to you personally at least.)
Stop wondering about that. Stop asking us to speak up right now. Stop pointing out the people who do have capacity as what we all should be doing right now. Feel the hurt feelings you have, those are valid and appropriate feelings to have. Feel the confusion. If you’re feeling betrayed, that’s an emotion that makes sense, but please know that if you are perceiving active betrayal, you are not understanding why priorities are what they are. And since you’re in a place of pain (sunburn hurts and takes a lot of attention!) for your own well being, it’s also understandable if you don’t have the capacity to have the empathy or actively ally back while in the midst of this, too. Sunburn hurts like hell. A drowning person can. not. breathe.
